Exercise: My Dark Night of the Soul

How do you do Fitness?
If you’d asked me six years ago, I probably would’ve changed the subject. Fitness and I have always had a special kind of love-hate relationship.  Let’s rewind. I cannot say that I have ever liked to exercise. Though, if I think back to Les Mills in the 80's, there was a brief time of joy leaping around on step boxes, decked out in leotard and tights.  But it was probably more to do with the joys of being young and nimble.

But mostly? Exercise has felt like a slog. A box to tick. Something I endured rather than embraced.

And yet, I’ve always liked being fit. I love being able to walk up a flight of stairs with a spring in my step. I love hiking, and hiking inevitably means hills. Feeling strong and capable in my body has always mattered to me. So I’ve pushed myself through all kinds of workouts over the years: group classes, spin, circuits, crossfit, pilates, yoga, machine weights, free weights - you name it. But no matter what I tried, quickly, it all started to feel like a chore. A soulless routine. Especially brick-and-mortar gyms, places I’ve frequented far too often over the years. For me, they’ve always felt like a concrete box of obligation. Necessary, perhaps. But never uplifting.

Fast forward to five years ago. I found myself on the upside of 50, and nowhere near as fit as I wanted to be. I am avoiding the word UNFIT here. And as a naturopath, I know all too well - your later years are the most important time to stay strong and mobile. I could see the trajectory I was on, and it wasn’t looking good.

This was my dark night of the soul, fitness edition.

I began looking for a new way forward. Scrolling, as one does, through all the usual options. That’s when I stumbled across something I’d barely known existed, an online fitness platform. It offered a 7-day free trial. Tempting. I hesitate to tell you just how long I eyed that from a distance, but it was quite a while.  Eventually, after rummaging through drawers for something suitable to wear, I signed up. Slightly squished into old leggings and feeling a little skeptical.

I mean, if I couldn't motivate myself to drive to a gym, how was I going to stay disciplined in my own lounge?

But I was in that low place where something had to change. So I began. I scrolled through the platform’s offerings, overwhelmed at first. Yoga caught my eye. That’s always been a soft spot for me. I clicked on a session. The instructor was calm, warm, and gentle. I liked her instantly. And that first session? It felt great. Just a simple stretching session in sports apparel, and my future was looking up.

I didn’t set any grand goals. I just wanted to move. And so I did. A couple of times a week at first. Then three. Then four.

​Eventually, I decided to branch out. Back in my last gym-going era, I’d dipped my toe into HIIT (high-intensity interval training), so I gave that a go. True to my all-or-nothing tendencies, I threw myself into it. My attitude was simple: go hard and get it over with.  Then enjoy the rest of the day feeling great and quietly chuffed with myself. Now I found myself doing a mix of yoga and HIIT three to four times a week.

My trainers were Kiwi women, real, down-to-earth, strong, and very human.  Filming from their garages, sheds, paddocks, and lounges. I felt connected and inspired.

Next came weights. Bone density matters, and I was ready to start gently. I grabbed a couple of sets of weights off TradeMe making sure I started with the smallest weights possible.  I really didn’t want to hurt myself, which I have done many times before.
 
Now, five years on, I’ve tried most things and settled into a rhythm that works. I’ve found the types of sessions I enjoy and the trainers I enjoy most. Some workouts are simple and easy to follow, these are my favourites. I find I can push harder with straightforward sets. Which is one of the greatest revelations of using an online platform: the freedom. There are always sessions available. You can save favourites. Choose based on mood, energy level, time, or focus. And your favourite trainers are always available.

That’s what’s made the biggest difference for me: choice and autonomy. My time. My space. My intensity. No navigating class timetables. No commuting. No parking. Just me and my mat, any time I’m ready. I love that.
 
These days, I aim for four sessions a week. Two is my ideal minimum. And I’ve kept that up, year after year. The flexibility is what’s kept me going—it fits into my life, instead of me constantly bending to fit around it. And in return, I’ve gained something so valuable: consistent fitness, with minimal pain.

My next challenge is to look at my mindset and learn more about the peri-post menopausal training sessions.  I'm a little overdue for that.

My biggest struggle? Getting into my workout gear on a freezing winters morning. When it’s minus four and a hot shower is calling, that’s my pain point. But I have been down that path.  It is hard to start from scratch again, and starting from scratch gets harder the older you get. A lot harder. Muscles go into hibernation, motivation shrivels.  I’ve learned that lesson. I know what I choose going forward: to keep moving. To keep striding up mountains (small mountains). And if I wake up feeling unwell or off? I just listen to my body, skip the workout, and step straight into the hot shower. No guilt. Just grace.

So, how do you do fitness? 
For me, it’s become about finding something that feels manageable and sustainable, something I can actually stick to. It doesn’t have to be perfect or intense. It just has to be flexible enough to fit into my life, and keep me moving.
 
Shoutout to Kate Ivey and the DediKate fitness team. I found you five years ago, and you’ve truly changed the way I approach fitness. You’ve kept me inspired, consistent, and challenged, without ever setting foot in a gym. Love that.